As I am now 23 yrs old very often I take a look at myself, the world around me and the people I interact and suround myself with on a daily basis. I often have tried to figure out why i am the way i am, why others are how they are. The great nature vs. nurture debate for all you psych. fans out there. The question I have always come back to involves high school and to a lesser degree, college (HBCU?). I am a 23 yr old black man born in Baltimore City but went to high school and middle school in Columbia. So the question is...would i really be much different if perhaps I had stayed in Bmore? Would i have developed differently or just in a different way?
If you ever talk to someone who's maybe a yr or two removed from high school they still talk about it like it was just yesterday and its essentially the highlite of their lives. Its their only frames of reference for life and they often compare everything to it. Basically it has a HUGE affect on our lives and how we develop as people.
Me in high school....
I NEVER thought of myself as a nerd. I guess other people might have. I never actually conducted myself as a "nerd" would. Infact....i wasn't even THAT good a student. I just got by on my natural smarts and my still present ability to charm teachers into giving me a better grade then i deserved. I didn't do nearly as many sports in high school as I would've thought i would do. Mainly because i was lazy (in the way that I had always been naturally good at EVERYTHING) but also because I was responsible for my two younger siblings and at times another baby at various points.
What i'm getting at is that in terms of social interaction... Most of it was done during school. In classes. With white people. With white people who were not QUITE like me...For reasons i couldn't quite put a finger on. To be short... I didn't REALLY like that many people. Being in "smart" classes put me with the same 3 black girls and 1 black guy throughout high school. Having said all that i've never felt the need to "be apart" so it was whatever to me.
But the question I really have is how all that affects me now.
In a totally random deep conversation I had with my mom a little while ago I came to the realization/got out of her that essentially all the activities she put me and my older sister in were all intentionally so we would not be in the mold of "a black child". Hence...violin abd piano lessons, horseback riding, tennis, soccer, a appreciation for musicals and classical music, having a talent for fencing, acting, wanting to be a veternarian while younger. In some totally unknown way i'm pretty sure this affected who i am as a person... How i have no clue. I think my dick is the same size which means i'm still black. She never succeeded in putting me in ballet (not only would i not allow it...but my dad as a black man has limits....) which means that I don't walk bowlegged....
Sooooo even if I had stayed in Baltimore city I don't think i would be any different then I am now as a person because of my exposure to so many different things. Those things didn't make me want to be white. Just gave me an appreciation for wide variety of experiences. What i didn't mention was that along with all those other "experiences" we were also watched and read ALOT of different african american history and literature. The same goes with high school. Sure i had to deal with lil anglo a-holes saying i'm "trying to be black" by getting a Fubu shirt for christmas, or perhaps trying to pick on the smart black kid but not ACTUALLY having anything to say... (seroiusly....back then i didn't even wear glasses...there was literally NOTHING to make fun of me for). I phrase it as i did because kids literally tried to make fun of me only because it was their chance to make fun of a black kid without fear of having their turn at puberty stunted. And no... i was not devasted either then or now about it... Everybody gets teased in high school...Its just that these little dermatologist dream children weren't smart enough (or of course having white parents...) to think of anything else.
So for a little while I really contemplated if this experience hindered my development as a person emotionally or socially or whatever. Would I be different if I had just been one of many Black people? The final answer.... is yes...but not really.
The only thing I can think high school maaay have affected was that I wasn't pushed to be that pro athlete I felt i was destined to be the moment i skipped crawling to run. I KNOW it affected my experience with girls. Suuure I talked to girls in high school, had a few romantic rendevouz but honestly...I'm a extremely sexy black man with a personality that was being witheld for people who deserved it. (aka only in certain classes at certain times and not all the time till college) So yeah... when i talk to friends who went to high schools in bmore or PG or even at Long Reach... Females would've been the biggest difference. Maybe i wouldn't be the "emotional/mental playa" i am (physical?) if i had...Or maybe all girls wouldn't be germs in my petri dish to examine and perhaps prod intermettantly while on looking at them.
So the final conclusion I've made is infact who i REALLY am as a person is a direct product of how I was raised rather then where i've lived. Now if my PARENTS hadn't been raised in Bmore.... Now thats a whole different story.
I should print this out and give it to my mom....
If you ever talk to someone who's maybe a yr or two removed from high school they still talk about it like it was just yesterday and its essentially the highlite of their lives. Its their only frames of reference for life and they often compare everything to it. Basically it has a HUGE affect on our lives and how we develop as people.
Me in high school....
I NEVER thought of myself as a nerd. I guess other people might have. I never actually conducted myself as a "nerd" would. Infact....i wasn't even THAT good a student. I just got by on my natural smarts and my still present ability to charm teachers into giving me a better grade then i deserved. I didn't do nearly as many sports in high school as I would've thought i would do. Mainly because i was lazy (in the way that I had always been naturally good at EVERYTHING) but also because I was responsible for my two younger siblings and at times another baby at various points.
What i'm getting at is that in terms of social interaction... Most of it was done during school. In classes. With white people. With white people who were not QUITE like me...For reasons i couldn't quite put a finger on. To be short... I didn't REALLY like that many people. Being in "smart" classes put me with the same 3 black girls and 1 black guy throughout high school. Having said all that i've never felt the need to "be apart" so it was whatever to me.
But the question I really have is how all that affects me now.
In a totally random deep conversation I had with my mom a little while ago I came to the realization/got out of her that essentially all the activities she put me and my older sister in were all intentionally so we would not be in the mold of "a black child". Hence...violin abd piano lessons, horseback riding, tennis, soccer, a appreciation for musicals and classical music, having a talent for fencing, acting, wanting to be a veternarian while younger. In some totally unknown way i'm pretty sure this affected who i am as a person... How i have no clue. I think my dick is the same size which means i'm still black. She never succeeded in putting me in ballet (not only would i not allow it...but my dad as a black man has limits....) which means that I don't walk bowlegged....
Sooooo even if I had stayed in Baltimore city I don't think i would be any different then I am now as a person because of my exposure to so many different things. Those things didn't make me want to be white. Just gave me an appreciation for wide variety of experiences. What i didn't mention was that along with all those other "experiences" we were also watched and read ALOT of different african american history and literature. The same goes with high school. Sure i had to deal with lil anglo a-holes saying i'm "trying to be black" by getting a Fubu shirt for christmas, or perhaps trying to pick on the smart black kid but not ACTUALLY having anything to say... (seroiusly....back then i didn't even wear glasses...there was literally NOTHING to make fun of me for). I phrase it as i did because kids literally tried to make fun of me only because it was their chance to make fun of a black kid without fear of having their turn at puberty stunted. And no... i was not devasted either then or now about it... Everybody gets teased in high school...Its just that these little dermatologist dream children weren't smart enough (or of course having white parents...) to think of anything else.
So for a little while I really contemplated if this experience hindered my development as a person emotionally or socially or whatever. Would I be different if I had just been one of many Black people? The final answer.... is yes...but not really.
The only thing I can think high school maaay have affected was that I wasn't pushed to be that pro athlete I felt i was destined to be the moment i skipped crawling to run. I KNOW it affected my experience with girls. Suuure I talked to girls in high school, had a few romantic rendevouz but honestly...I'm a extremely sexy black man with a personality that was being witheld for people who deserved it. (aka only in certain classes at certain times and not all the time till college) So yeah... when i talk to friends who went to high schools in bmore or PG or even at Long Reach... Females would've been the biggest difference. Maybe i wouldn't be the "emotional/mental playa" i am (physical?) if i had...Or maybe all girls wouldn't be germs in my petri dish to examine and perhaps prod intermettantly while on looking at them.
So the final conclusion I've made is infact who i REALLY am as a person is a direct product of how I was raised rather then where i've lived. Now if my PARENTS hadn't been raised in Bmore.... Now thats a whole different story.
I should print this out and give it to my mom....
posted by yo daddy at 12:31 AM
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